


H.P. Lovecraft Couldn’t Make This Up

by hannahindie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, Supernatural - Freeform, Witch - Freeform, cas needs a new trenchcoat, castiel - Freeform, charlie - Freeform, gross monster - Freeform, reader - Freeform, spn fanfic, supernatural fanfiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahindie/pseuds/hannahindie
Summary: Cas and the reader are fighting off something that only H.P. Lovecraft could have dreamed up, and nothing seems to be able to kill it. Meanwhile, Charlie is MIA.





	H.P. Lovecraft Couldn’t Make This Up

The squishy monster lunges at you, and you try to hit it with your antique chest. “Cas!” you yell just as he runs into the shop in New Orleans. “Where’s Charlie?” you bark at him, “Wasn’t she just with you?”

Cas looks over your shoulder in horror at the gelatinous beast struggling to right itself from where you had nailed it with the chest, “No, I was under the impression she was with you. I have been in the other room…” his eyes widen as the creature finally flips itself back over and begins crawling back towards you, its tentacles popping wetly off the hardwood floor as it shifts. “I have seen many things in this world, in Purgatory…I have been in the deepest reaches of Heaven and the darkest cages of Hell, and I have never seen anything as confusing and horrifying as that.”

You step back, clutching the rough wooden box to your chest and look at Cas over your shoulder, “Oh, great, that’s wonderful Cas, I didn’t notice the Lovecraftian horror that’s trying to kill me.” You swing out again and the chest connects with what you think might be it’s head. A high pitched squeal escapes the dark, slimy hole that you assume is its mouth, and you cringe when something flies off of it and lands on your arm. “Dammit!” you screech as the substance burns when it lands on your bare skin. You wipe your arm off on Cas’ trenchcoat and he looks down in disgust.

“This is a new coat, Y/N. Charlie is not going to be pleased you ruined it with acidic monster spit.”

You roll your eyes and slam the chest on the ground, the metal handles clanking loudly against the sides, “Oh, I am so sorry that I inconvenienced you with the acid that was eating through my flesh. What is with you today?”

He glares at you and for a moment you forget why you’re even angry until you feel a tentacle wrap around your ankle and pull you down, interrupting whatever thought he is about to have.

“Cas! Angel blade!” you shriek as it tries to pull you across the floor. You turn to see five sets of razor sharp teeth, the concentric circles disappearing into its now gaping mouth, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, hurry up!”

Cas runs towards you, angel blade slipping from his sleeve, and you have just enough time to wonder how the hell he keeps it up there with stabbing himself or dropping it. He thrusts it into the growling hell spawn just as it lunges for your leg. The angel blade begins smoking, and despite melting as it sinks into the blubbery mass, it does the trick. The tentacle loosens its grip and you scramble away, not looking forward to what your leg is going to look like later.

You watch in amazed horror as it reaches up with a shaking limb and wraps it around what’s left of the angel blade, pulling it out with a sickening pop and dropping it on the floor. Cas grabs you and puts himself between you and the monster, and both of you watch as it begins shaking uncontrollably.

“Cas…what is it doing?”

“I do not know, but I am pretty sure that we should not be here to find out.”

“We can’t just leave it here! And we still don’t know where Charlie is!”

“I understand, but I am not sure you are quite grasping the gravity of this situation. It melted an angel blade and it is still alive. So, unless you have any better ideas, we are going to leave. Maybe we can burn the house down.”

“That is not an acceptable option, Cas!” The creature roars and suddenly expands, its body growing to twice the size it just was. “Okay, maybe it’s an option.”

“What’s up, bitches?!” You turn to see Charlie running into the room, waving a key in the air, “I see our friend has gotten a little bigger.”

“You don’t say,” you groan, suddenly hit with a horrendous stench that you could only guess was the creature’s breath as it roared again. “What is that? Is that a key?”

“Oh! Yea, about that, this key opens that chest!” She beams with pride at you and as precious as it is, you have to force yourself not to roll your eyes.

“That’s great, Charlie, but how does that help us right now?” You grab the coat rack you’re standing next to and swing it as hard as you can. It hits the creature in its newly developed beak and snaps in half. You stare down at the broken half still in your hand and sigh.

“There is a potion inside the chest that will kill it!” She drops to her knees and works the key into the lock, the rusty metal snapping as it drops open and she throws back the lid. “See!” She turns around, a glowing blue vial in her outstretched hand.

“What the shit is that?” You are sure that your voice has hit octaves that your high school choir director would be proud of.

“I don’t know, but we’re about to find out!” Charlie stands up and uncorks the vial as she turns. “Eat up, Cthulhu!” She tosses the vial into its open mouth and steps back, flinching as it bites down on the glass container.

“What do we do now?” Cas asks, his brows furrowed.

“I guess we just wait. I don’t actually know what’s supposed to happen.” Charlie crosses her arms, and you take several steps back as the monster starts to shake.

“Umm..guys…I think we should probably go-” You’re interrupted as it explodes, sending purple blood and chunks of monster all over the room. You duck under the desk and throw your arms over your head, the memory of its burning acid spit still painfully clear.

After a moment of cringing in the dead silence, you climb out from under the desk in time to see Charlie step out from behind a bookcase. Cas turns to look at you and you stifle a giggle as he wipes blood from his face. “I guess you don’t have to worry about your coat now, huh?”

“I think this would be the point in the conversation that Dean would instruct you to bite him.”

You laugh, “You’re not wrong.” You turn to look at Charlie, “How the hell did you find that key, and know that it went to the chest?” She blushes, and looks around the room as if looking for a quick, non-sticky exit. “Charlie…”

“I may have made friends with the friendly, neighborhood witch…that was being held captive upstairs.”

You narrow your eyes, “And by ‘made friends with’,  you mean…”

“A true lady doesn’t kiss and tell! C’mon, Y/N, ye of little faith. It was just a calm, innocent conversation between two consenting adults-”

“You made out with her, didn’t you?”

“I made out with her.”

“I am leaving. You two can do whatever you would like.” Cas walks briskly to the exit, “I fully expect a new coat from one of you,” he grumbles, and you laugh.

“Aw, c’mon. He’s angel, can’t he just poof it back to normal?” Charlie pouts and you pat her on the shoulder.

“I think in this case, it’s just the principle of the thing. Let’s go, Casanova.”


End file.
